GTA
General Discussion To Gateway To Airguns => Back Room => : North Pack August 10, 2009, 10:58:52 PM
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On the subject of Colonoscopies...
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.
[Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.]
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11.. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
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Another way to do it? It's called "Virtual Colonoscopy" and it is done with a high speed multi-slice CT scanner. Yep, colonoscopy is right up there with prostate biopsy and retina exams as a few of my favorite medical things. But it could be worse . . . I could be a woman.
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FOLKS,GET THOSE COLONS CHECKED.THEY FOUND POLYPS ON BOTH MY 35 Y/O AND 38 Y/O SISTERS. THEY WERE THE BAD ONES TO..NO PROBLEM THO, THEY WERE CAUGHT EARLY.. I AM A 33 Y/O MALE, AND NOW FREAKED OUT BECAUSE THAT CRAP RUNS IN THE FAMILY.. BUT I WANT TO BE A HEALTHY OLD MAN SO I AM GOING TO GO GET THE OLE BUNG HOLE CHECKED.. :(
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Good idea. Your chances of having cancer of the colon is higher according to what I have read in medical jounals. I have gone every 5 years for the last 20 years for a scope job...
A word of advice. Do not eat any eggs, raw oysters, clams, Italian or Mexican food the week before you get your exam....:) Make sure you drink the whole bottle of liquid colon blow that they have you buy and drink the night before your scope job.
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I've had four so far, - and probably due for another next year. First two were "wide awake" the other two were sedated a tad. The "wide awake" ones were an "attention getter", - actually not all that painful, but uncomfortable as all h*ll.
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My Dad didn't like to go to doctors and never mentioned the problems he was having even when he began bleeding heavily. By the time that he did say something and my mother nagged him to the doctor, it was too late. He died at age 63 only 8 months after his cancer was found. Terry
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ONE THING ABOUT BEING MEN IS WE SOMETIMES LET OUR MACHISMO GET IN THE WAY AND SAY "NOPE" NOTHING AND NOBODY'S TOUCHING MY REAR END!! THERE LIES THE PROBLEM,..GOD FORBID YOU END UP WITH SOMETHING AND NOW YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE AND THINGS IN AND AROUND YOUR REAR..EVERYBODY NEEDS TO GET CHECKED, MAN OR WOMAN..DON'T WAIT TILL ITS TO LATE..GET CHECKED IN YOUR 30'S..DONT WAIT TILL YOUR 40'S...JUST MY 02. CENTS :emoticon:
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A guy went to get a colonscopy and the doctor told him to drop drawers, bend over the examination counter and he would be right back. While waiting for the doc's return, the patient glanced around. When the doc returned, he said "I can figure out what all this fancy equipment is for, Doc, but what's with the cold bottle of beer over there?" The doc picked up the beer bottle, turned around and yelled, "Nurse, I said get me a BUTT LIGHT, not a BUD LITE!"
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I just turned 50 2 Saturdays ago while visiting Gene. :) Now that Im 50,,,, I missed out on that "Check Up" in my 30,s & 40,s. GuessIm good to go!! :p :o :0 Sorry,,,, I just dont trust Doctors all that much,,,,,, "Cept" one,,,,,, my Buddy Tommy!! 8) And to be honest with Ya,,,,, I dont know if I like Tommy that much to trust him "There"!!!!! :o :p 8) LOL!! Tim.
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Well, Timmy -- if you ever have a breast problem, I am your guy. But I dont work on any parts "below the belt" any more. A colonoscopy once every 5 years after age 50 is probably cheap insurance. I had mine without any sedation and it wasn't too bad. Heck the worst part was having to fast and take the bowel prep the evening before. Butt enough of that. LOL
BTW, I will send you a PM, too, but I need another 8.5 x 11 in trap grooved to hold a standard 9" wide clipboard next time you have some 2x6 or 2x8 scrap lumber and your power saw running. Am I right that there are "doings" planed for later this month in Charleston? Roger says he is going.
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A guy went in for a prostate exam and when the doc stuck his finger in there, he found a wad of hundred dollar bills. He counted the bills and told the guy "Hey, I just found $1800 bucks in yout butt!" and the guy replied "Well THATS why I ain't been feelin two grand!"
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SDale - 8/11/2009 11:29 PM A guy went in for a prostate exam and when the doc stuck his finger in there, he found a wad of hundred dollar bills. He counted the bills and told the guy "Hey, I just found $1800 bucks in yout butt!" and the guy replied "Well THATS why I ain't been feelin two grand!"
Lame,,,,,, "DEEP" :p ,,,, I still had ta laugh Sam!!:p 8) Tim.
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It's all I could come up with on such short notice! hehehe
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Just make sure the doc don't have both his hands on your shoulders while he's checking you.
I had it done last year and they snipped off 4 Polyps (spell ?)....the non-maligned kind....whew.... I was sedated.....didn't even know they probed me.....the nurse slapped at my insteps to wake me up....and I said, "Are we ready to start?" and she said, "It's done.....you can leave now." I exclaimed, "WHAT....are you sure?" heh heh
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Stanley
My experience was similar to yours. Woke up and its like lets eat, I'm hungry. The worst is the prep like everyone has said. Best advice. Don't get more than 50ft from the restroom at any given time. Don't let anyone crack any jokes while your on the prep and don't bend over to tie your shoes. :o Get the check up. You owe it to the people who care about you.
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I've had four of them done over the years. The first one, about 20+ years ago was a real learning experience....lol... The stuff that you had to drink and the amount as well as the enema process that you had to go through was terrible. The table time was no problem even back then. Just getting to it. :0
It's a lot different these days and not bad at all. In fact I had one done about a year ago and there was nothing to it and it's much simpler as well as easier. Everyone needs to have it done though. The price you pay for not having it done could be your life. :) A couple of hours of discomfort and toilet time is a good investment.
I'll be going into the hospital again tomorrow. Gonna have the heart checked out and probably some stints stuffed into the plumbing. Probably pretty clogged and corroded I'd guess. Had a quad bypass 10 years ago so this should be a piece of cake. If'n ya don't see me around for a couple of weeks, you can figger somthin went wrong... real wrong :D Don't send flowers.....send money :) Jist kidden.
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Bob, - it goes without saying, - all the BEST OF LUCK. It's amazing what can be done these days, - stay healthy Bob. Looking forward to your next posts, ... ;)
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OH HELL YES!!! My kid brother had a bit of bleeding last year and immediately got one-damned cancer! He was 49 and healthy as a horse. He came out of surgery OK and was about to be released when he went septic (hospital's fault) an almost died. Moral is get you a-hole checked and NEVER leave anyone alone in the hospital. He is OK now but *_*_*_*_*_*ing because he can't work like he used to. I tell him to STFU and live!
I have ulcerative colitis and get 'scoped every other year. They dope me so bad that I have no idea what is going on. I had my regular one last month and they also did an upper GI as well. I told the doc (a friend of 15 years) to mak damned sure that he didn't use the same scope for both holes. DO NOT do this as the nurse is setting up your IV! DO get your six checked, especially if you are over 50 or have a family history like I do. BTW, it beats the hell out of a prostate exam. All of that definitely beats the alternative.
Jim
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I am so sorry for you, Terry. I lost all 4 of my grand parents and came within minutes of losing my kid brother to that unprintable mess. I don't know how old you are, but my doctors say that my kid and nephew should start getting scoped at 30 at the latest. Take care, my friend.
Rant mod ON:
ALL MEN-GET YOURSELVES TO A DOCTOR AND GET YOURSELVES A PHYSICAL! IT ISN'T REALLY THAT PAINFUL AND A LITTLE HUMILIATION IN A CLOSED OFFICES BEATS THE LIVING HELL OUT OF BEING IN THE ICU WITH ALL OF YOU HANGING OUT TO SEE AND MORE PLUMBING THAN A HOTEL (COUNTED 9 AND A CATHETER IN MY BROTHER) IN YOUR ARMS AND YOU-KNOW-WHAT! I HAVE BURIED SEVERAL GOOD MEN IN JUST THE LAST FEW YEARS AND KNOW SEVERAL WHO WISHED THEY WERE DEAD INSTEAD OF BEING AN INVALID!!!!! THE ONLY THING I HATE WORSE THAN ANTI-GUN JERKS IS CANCER!
Rant mode OFF:
Jim