GTA
General Discussion To Gateway To Airguns => Back Room => : Splash March 04, 2007, 11:08:09 PM
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The way a woman does an oil change:
1) Pull up to JiffyLube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave.
Money spent: Oil Change$20 Coffee$1 Total$21
The way a man does a oil change:
1) Wait until Saurday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,filter,oil dry,hand cleaner and a scented tree,write a check for $50.
2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer,write a check for $20,drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack up car, then spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under car.
8) look for 5/8 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use a crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splash hot oil on you in process,Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw oil dry on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil fiter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist it off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide oil filter among other tash in trash can, throw out more oil dry and have another beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday, skip church because I gotta finish oil change. Drag pan out from under car and dump in a hole in the back yard, instead of taking it to the recycle center.
19) Trow more oil dry on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11 to buyanother case of beer $20.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to coat the gasket with a thin film of oil.
23) Dump first quart of oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, Cuss.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Refill the hole and seall some sand from the kids sandbox to hide the oily patch on the ground. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of oil is now on the garage floor,throw more oil dry.
30) Drink beer.
31)Crawl under car getting oil dry in eyes,wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32)Bang head on floorboard in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for another 10 minutes because wrench put a hole in the wall.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead, bandage as needed to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43)Accidently crush remaining case of oil.
44) Move car back to apply more oil dry to fresh oil from steps 23-43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over, arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife to make bail.
50) 12 hours later get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Lawer $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total $5665.00
But you know the job was done right.
Mabe we should just let our wives take care of the oil changes. 8)
Mike
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LOL :D Mike, sometimes the truth hurt's. Now where did I put my beer.? Ed