Seeing things that are not there.

[DanoInTx]

As with many of our members I also have a "story" to share someday.  I will say it DOES get better pal, there's plenty of help here and in other places that will help you.  It's not the prettiest road, but it does lead to wellness, trust me on this.  There have been days on my journey that I swore I wouldn't make it, but I kept fighting and one day I woke up thinking,"This aint so bad after all".  Look at all of these people that are here and willing to help, you've got a tough gun toten' team on your side buddy, you're going in the right direction.

Take care Airbud!

[daveshoot]

Had soft time in Germany 77-80 but attitude same as then: total respect for the "real vets" and hands off war stories and amateur psych (not aimed at anyone here, we all wanna help but I'm just no good at that).
Just total support, best wishes, and a beer when you're in town. Once again, best wishes and thank you for your service. We remember.

[gamo2hammerli]

Gene take care of yourself. We all love you here. I and nobody I know have your ailments...so I can't compare them to anything. Hope that came out right.

[Timmyj1959@yahoo.com]

Im Back,, Hannah is hitting hard here now,, guess winds are pushing 50 mph now.  Suprised I still have power??  Gene, as you can see lots of Folks love you & care about Ya. You are FAR from being alone Buddy. Sorry my dumb redneck A$$ cant offer Ya any ground breaking advice that can make it all better,, course Ya know me well & I doubt you expected much from me?? Of course,, you know you can count on my support! LOVE YA GENE. Seriously. Your Little Buddy,, Tim.

[Jaymo]

I'm sorry I don't have anything great to add. At least now I know that my demons don't mean that I'm crazy.  Adult life is nowhere near as fun as I thought it would be when I was a boy.  Let me go back 30 years and stay there.

[Jaymo]

I feel things that aren't there. I feel spiders crawling across my feet, mostly, and legs. I'm a bit arachniphobic, so it does not bring on pleasant feelings.

[brianag618]

Gene, sorry to hear of your problem. My brother a former member of HMM 364 Known as the PURPLE FOX's (1967 to 1969 Viet NAM) USMC has been going through the same thing. Its called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD, he is now 68 and it has been a major factor in his life for many years. There was a time when it got real bad, and that was when he went back to Viet NAM (Hanoi) to help set up the MIA/POW Joint Task Force Recovery Operation now going on in Viet NAM. Sorry friend all Lou can do is sit down with a Professional and talk it out and pray for the best. The biggest problem is that most people that have not been there think its all in a persons head and a quick way to get attention, and the sad thing is it is not, it is very real and my friend you must sit down with people that know what they are doing and talk it out. I also had a Co-Worker who I worked with many years ago as a Correction Officer at Walpole Prison (MAX) in MA. He was a member of a USMC Force Re-Con Team in Viet NAM at about the same time as my brother was there, but he had the very bad mis-fortune to get caught and he spent 5 years in a VC POW Camp some place in Cambodia, and that was 5 years of pure hell. We became very close, to close in fact. He was like most MEN, real men he taught do not talk about these types of issues, he believed it made them weak esp. being a MARINE and being one of the best. He believed that by talking about it was a sign of weakness and as I stated NO MAN can admit he has a problem. Sounds a lot like what you are going thru, could not sleep, could not get along with others, troubled marriage etc, etc, etc. Gene, I am telling you that if you are not getting help and talking to the Doctors, which by the way IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS, BUT A SIGN OF STRENGTH, you have to get to one as fast as you can and do it NOW, do not wait. My friend Joe did not, and we found him, lets just say he is no longer with us. Thank God (if you believe) my brother is now getting the help he needs at age 68, it took him many years to MAN UP and ask for help. I to know what PTSD is, having worked as a Police Officer and then as a Correction Officer (UNION REP) I had the bad luck to get a shots fired call. I was the first to arrive on the scene, and had the unlucky luck to find a 2 year old child that was shot in the chest, I still have dreams about it, and my wife will tell you that to this day 20 years later, I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming and yes even crying, that's right a grown man crying in his sleep. There was not a *_*_*_*_*_*n thing I could do for this very young boy except to hold him in my arms and watch him die, bleed out in my arms before the medics could arrive, and even then there was nothing they could have done. So my friend, having been there, and still getting help, I am one of the few that knows where you are coming from, and where you could be going if you do not get help and fast. The hell with the conception that a  MAN MUST SUCK IT UP or HE IS NOT A MAN, Gene all I can tell you is it takes a bigger man to admit he needs help and even bigger to get the help he needs. Please, I do not want to hear of another PTSD victim going off the deep end and doing something real dumb. Get all the help you can, and the fact that you have brought it up is a first step in healing, you will never forget what ever it is that is causing your problem, but you can heal and begin to relive your life over again. If there is anything I can do to help, even just talk, I am hear (PM) and please do not try to handle it your self, to many good people have gone away doing that. For now, just live each day and most of all stay safe. Brian Ag 618

[RainDog]

Gene, we haven't spoken as I discovered the forum while you were ill, but I will tell you that while you were gone people here spoke of you all the time, missing your company and wishing you well.

 As far as seein' those shadows and stuff, I've been there a couple of times. I'd drive across the country with the crazy idea that I'd do it without stopping for rest. Fuel myself on gallons of coffee and just drive. After a couple of days of that I'd see shadows, like people or animals, darting across the road. Was very unnerving and I never met my goal. Chickened out and got some sleep.

 Lack of good REM sleep, especially if that lack is chronic, can do some really, really weird things to your head. It doesn't have to be NO sleep, it can be bad sleep over an extended period of time. After even 3 or 4 nights of sleeping for only 3 hours or so, one can feel the consequences. Shakiness, uncertainty, depression, and beginning paranoia, as well as that bizzare feeling of oncoming and unavoidable doom. If you're not sleeping well, this could be something to look into. Getting a short-term benzodiazepine prescribed to you as a sleep aid, just enough to knock you out of this rut, could be of great help.

 Back in college I'd go on drinking binges sometimes that would leave me alcohol poisoned. On more than one occasion I'd be laying in bed sick as a dog and have minor audio hallucinations. Like, someone knocking at the door, someone talking right outside the window, that kind of thing.

 Look, I'm as sane as can be. The fact that you're recognizing these aberrations for what they are indicates that you're not going crazy either. This kind of stuff happens when your body is under terrible strain. In my cases all I needed was a day or two of rest. I'm not acquainted with your problems but it could well be that some recovery time will set things right for you.

 Also, if you're taking any medications, you might examine their side-effects as a possible culprit. I don't have problems with medicine's side effects generally, but there was one notable exception. I'd taken, of all things, a smoking cessation drug that worked by blocking the pleasure centers of the brain, the idea being that if you didn't "get off" on smoking it would be easier to quit. Well, they threw me into a profound depression for a few days until I put two and two together and stopped taking them. The side-effects lifted immediately. Just a thought.

 Don't worry too much about it. Although I understand why you might be hesitant, I'd mention this situation to my doctor. Unless he's a total rookie or a total fool he'll have been around the block enough to know these things happen when a person is under strain. I'd present the problem to him as sleep related, and the light hallucinations as a result of lost rest. That way you stand a better chance of getting treatment for what I believe to be the actual cause of your troubles, rather than getting some strange psychotropic drug prescribed as treatment for the symptom. My armchair guess is that your body is simply exhausted and the shadows are just a manifestation of that condition.

 Good luck, man.
 Parks

Go get your eyes checked. It might be something as simple as 'floaters' in the eye that appear as shadows and lurkers in the vision. A common problem that can be taken care of. If it is something else talk with a professional.

[RainDog]

 It's of course quite possible that I'm completely off base and you should take serious consideration of our own resident Dr. Salk's well thought-out and profound diagnosis of "Maybe you've got some kind of sh*t in your eyes".

 Thank you, Doctor. Thank you. *applause*

 Now don't go gettin' all excited, Mahonri. I'm just funnin' with ya!  :p

 Have a good one,
 Parks

[tjk]

Dear Gene, there's not much I can think of, that hasn't already been said by the rest of the fraternitys' posts. When I was younger, I kept having night-mares that the walls were closing in on me, after a "divorce" from someone I really cared about, I'd hear a constant phone ring/text messege ring. It nearly drove me crazy looking at the cell phone with nothing there. Thinking back, I believe that one can over-load himself with thoughts and ideas of our lives and our own predetermination of future events. Fact is, we can't and usually this causes people from all walks of life to "short-circuit" themselves. I'm not sure why I had those night-mares when I was younger, but I reckon I just had too "much on my plate" at one time. But time is a key word here. I've had to force myself many a time to slow down and look at the big picture. It's the little stresses in life (past, present, and future) that add up and drag us down. Time does heal all things life has and will continually throw at us. But we have each other to lean on. Sometimes we have to carry each other, and be carried too. I often think of that saying,...when God closes one door to us, He always has another one for us to walk through. You've crossed that threshold Gene, and there are alot of people (the GTA and others) that are here to greet you and welcome you in,...or back as the case may be. You are a very loved, respected, and admired individual, and we are only more than happy to offer you our full and unyielding support. My only advice I could offer that helped me through tough times would be to, #1 get one of those fancy tilt-proof hammocks from Lowes,...#2 pick up The Good Book and read it till you fall asleep. #3 try to take a few minutes each day to relax and meditate,...or pray. Believe me, it worked for me. Helping someone else in times of need has always helped me to forget about my own problems, and I'm sure that's worked for others too. Kind of gave me a better feeling of 'self-worth'. Feeling good about yourself, a proper diet, and getting plenty of rest and relaxation seem to be in order for you my friend. Just take it one day at a time. Welcome back Gene, your in good company!!!! The GTA is, A Great Place To Be!!!!! Thomas

[Gene_SC]

Just had the big eye examination last week and found there were no tirds, floaters or broken vessels... Thanks guys for the suggestions..

Gene

[Jaymo]

I've had eye floaters all my life and never knew there was a name for it until recently. Strange feeling, suddenly seeing what looks like a microorganism floating in your FOV.

[dave2288]

...i didn't even know it could ne taken care of...i've had floaters my whole life...i just assumed you live with em...

[erskine]

Gene;

I am a disabled veteran.  I worked in military intelligence and became disabled in the line of duty.  It is hard for me to talk about it as well but the ghosts will flee you if you stare them down.  I was broken during an interrogation, I think.  Maybe I just lost my mind, I'm not really sure.  All I remember is the questions and a big needle.

You can do this my friend (I hope I may call you that.).  Never give up.  Never yield.  Go to the VA and tell them what is going on, as well.  You earned any help they can provide.  If they want you to take meds, take them.  They won't hurt you and they won't interfear with your faith.  Nothing can stand between a man of faith and his God, because of who God is, not because of who the man believes himself to be.

Find the book, "The Shack".  Take the time to read it.

My father is a Korean War Vet and he has his own "ghosts".  It took him a few years but he finally worked through them.  You can do it but you should not try to do it alone.

My prayers are with you.

Sincerely
Michael