That was awesome Randall! I haven't laughed like this in quite a while! :)
Towards the end I started suspecting that this was a joke, because after all one had been through, like dragged around and bitten by a deer, a blow to the back of the head would have surely had this person hospitalized with a serious concussion if not fatally wounded, and not typing about it in a forum on line... at least not for a couple of weeks.
Great story for a good laugh! I should send it to some of my friends.