ClEaN JoKe= The clever drunk,

[HILMAN76]

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK... I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk A carton of eggs A quart of orange juice A head of lettuce A 2 lb. can of coffee A 1 lb. package of bacon   As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.

[Magnum]

Ok nice one , I laughed heh:)

[RedFeather]

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...  
 
 About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
 I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.  Nice children you have there.  Are they twins?'  
 The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
 My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

[gamo2hammerli]

Good ones....I`d read them both awhile back, but they still gave me giggles today.

[snookman]

Both funny, I can use all the laughs I can get. snookman